Update your settings

Somewhere between nostalgia and hardline bravado, America’s most unpredictable leader has found his latest headline grab. The President has set his sights on Alcatraz. Yes, that Alcatraz — the rock-solid relic off San Francisco that once caged the country’s most infamous criminals and now plays host to tourists and seagulls.

Not for long, if the Commander-in-Chief gets his way. In a fiery post on his megaphone platform, Truth Social, he announced plans to reopen and "enlarge and remodel" Alcatraz to house what he calls "America’s most ruthless and violent offenders." No vague gestures here — he wants the worst of the worst locked far, far away.

"In the past, we knew how to deal with danger," he declared, championing a return to tough-on-crime isolation. "We will no longer tolerate serial offenders who spread filth, bloodshed, and mayhem on our streets." In his vision, Alcatraz 2.0 won’t just be a prison — it will be a towering symbol of "law, order, and justice."

For critics, this move echoes more than a little bit of the past — a back-to-the-future flash of exile and spectacle. And for those in Hollywood? There’s little relief. The President didn’t stop at locking up criminals. He also rolled out plans to slap a 100% tariff on all foreign films, calling them dangerous imports that could "kill the American film industry very quickly." Worse yet, he framed them as vessels of "messages and propaganda" that threaten national security.

So what’s next? While tourists still snap selfies in Alcatraz’s crumbling cells, plans are already swirling to transform the island back into a fortress of punishment. Meanwhile, global filmmakers may soon find their blockbusters blocked before they hit American screens.

In this bold new era, it seems the President wants criminals behind bars — and foreign films behind tariffs. The message is unmistakable: no escapes, and no foreign scripts rewriting the American story.